Monday, March 27, 2006

Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy....

Today is first day of the rest of your life. Or if you are hungover, its the first afternoon of the rest of your life. Everything that has happened in the past, remains in the past. Everything that will happen sometime in the future will happen regardless of my twisted and painful contorted squirmings. But that is not the issue here today. The issue is coupons.

More importantly, the useless coupons that I get from my grocery store in addition to my receipt. I received a free coupon for a The Recipe to a Low Allergen Life book. I have no idea what this book contains, mainly because I have not rushed back to get it yet. According to the environmentally wasteful, 14 inch receipt my special offer came on, it contains "food allergy information as well as 129 delicious recipes". That's all well and good, but it doesn't mean a shitfuck to me at all. I am not allergic to any food, nor do I spend a lot of time in my kitchen preparing "savory meals for the whole family", especially not in my microwave. Many of you know that I can cook, and that I am actually quite a decent cook, for football season. But something tells me that sumptuously congealed cheese dip and summer sausage a balanced diet do not make. I would also like to point out that it specifically lets me know that there is a "1 limit per family" of this wonderful book. Growing up, my parents would routinely get 12 copies of miscellaneous nutrition books to leave around the home, so I see where this may become an issue for the publisher. I bet he got fired by the way. After all, he did publish a book that no one really is going to read, and its free. That was pretty intelligent.

I was told today that I seem angry and depressed lately. I probably should relax and talk about it if I want to. I responded with the telltale response of "Hey! I didn't pay 20 bucks for a blowjob and therapy, besides, you're Brazilian, how could you possibly understand what going on. You're only 14! People need to mind their own business when it comes to other people's shit". That was the last I saw of her, which was good, since I didn't want to pay for half and half anyway. "Stay in school", I said as I walked back to my car. The funny thing was, I am not an angry person for any reasons that make any sense. After all, I am mad at things like glaciers and congress, you know, things we can't do anything about anyway. I might be a little mad at my brother, but not really.

I digress.

Today is the 8945th anniversary of the threesome (Give or take a few years, after all, we are not really sure when people started having sex for something more than reproductive reasons. Whenever that occurred, I am sure threesomes followed shortly thereafter, and if they didn't they should have), so I found this to share with everyone. Please read it and let me know if you think that would actually work. I have a couple of ladies in mind who that might worth a pop. Great Story


Dave said...

First of all, great entry today. Second of all, that is an awesome story about the threesome. Any chance you will reveal the candidates? Nevertheless, you cannot house sit for me until you have called your mission off! The last thing I need is to come home to a house decorated by some Peter North inspired GST.

Anonymous said...

As a veteran of the threesome, I highly reccomend it. There are few things in this life that live up to the hype that preceeds them. A threesome lives up to and exceeds the hype. You've just gotta make sure you don't give a shit about either one of them. There's something about pounding the shit out of a girl whos face is buried in just don't look at them the same way ever again.

Anonymous said...

That's gonna be 2 trips to the florist the next day