Why can't my beer be wireless?

Earlier today I learned an important fact about the emasculation of my own stomach by having someone tell me that I take in too many refined carbs. Apparently, the amount of carbohydrates is directly relative to the amount of what the fuck ever I am not even interested in learning about this anyway so I won't bore you with whatever the fuck someone explained to me earlier today that I definitely do not care anymore.

At any rate, I am supposed to limit the beer intake a little bit so that when I work out, it actually accomplishes something besides slowing the girth increase. I am supposed to either drink less or switch to items that contain fewer carbohydrates. Well, we know how this ends don't we. We have been down this road more than once. I am familiar with all of these arguments and discussions that basically seek to degrade my pastime. It's not as if I don't understand what occurs when I go on the fantastic voyage. I usually wake up the next morning (afternoon, don't nitpick) and feel rather horrible. It doesn't bother me, so why does it bother others.

However, I feel the need to defend myself in this situation. And so here goes...

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman..."

"If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit..."

"No, sir, I am a meat popsicle..."

I believe all of the above examples should readily acquit me of any of the responsibility that people so want to place upon my liver. I don't know why you want to make my liver feel bad, people. Its just doing its job. I reward it often with periods of time off and then doubly reward it by giving it bourbon.

Some people say that I don't have any feelings when I accidentally piss on their dog, but l;et me tell you sir: I do have at least one feeling and it is hurt right now.