Friday, May 05, 2006

Did Cannibals Taste Seamen?

A German guy recently lost his third appeal in his murder trial for ritual cannibalism. It seems that some weirdo guy had some sort of "eat me fetish" and went searching on the internet for someone to eat his Johnson. You can actually read about it here. Now, this is a weird one on many levels, but, I don't think this is as big of a deal as those crazy, so-called "authorities" think it is. After all, Germany is the land of scary porn and scarier pillow talk. Sie machen mich so heiƃŸ, Baby; which means "you're making me so hot, baby." (Yeah nothing gets me hotter than gutturall growling and loogie hocking mixed with the word baby) The "authorities" put this clown in jail for 2 years, give or take, and he is still there, for doing something that someone asked him to do. The guy found him on the internet and actually sought out the right situation for which these two clowns could eat the one guy's Johnsonn. I know that some people think this is abhorrentt and morally wrong, but then again so is anal sex in Missouri, its all about levels. By the way, this guy's wierd smile did not win any "I am pretty, friggin scary looking" points with any jury I am sure.

Personally, I have never eaten another person. And, I think I would have a rough time convincing myself to eat someone's severed doogie even if they asked me to and were going to help me. That sounds sort of like a really fucked episode of Fear Factor. Not that I condone the eating of another person's flesh, or their fleshy parts, but at the same time, I am confused as to what the severed Johnsonn guy thought he was achieving by eating his own manhood. I think he either really liked his penis or really disliked his penis. Either way, it obviously wasn't being used often enough. Maybe he was sick of it, but what I do know, is that he was well hung. It had to be a pretty impressive member to comfortably be a meal for two grown men. Excuse me, I need to go dry-heave into the sink for a minute...

Onto lighter and unfulfilling things.

I have given this a great deal of thought. And during my remaining time here in Orlando, I am going to give back to the community. Hence, I am going to set up a class that teaches grown adults, preferably attractive females, to sexually meditate in groups. I think there is a way to market this without going to jail. More to follow on this earthshattering and philanthropic idea.

Matt Leinart and Paris Hilton are apparently "friends". I think it is quite funny that they both refuse to specifically reveal the nature of their friendship. Paris Hilton's 2 publicists (yes, she has no particular career in any industry, yet she has 2 publicists) say that nothing is going on. Matt Leinart's publicist (yes, he has 1, and has for 3 years now. Even though he was a college quarterback and never would have had a publicist if he attended Oregon State instead of USC) states that they are friends. Ikindd of want to know who is using who, here. Which one has more to gain from thisrelationshipp. If I were him, I would definitely want to be screwing her. Why not? But common sense dictates that when you look at the facts, they probably are not sleeping together. Either way, I am happy for both of them. I hope they are fucking. I really do. In fact, I hope they make a video. But, according to her other video, she obviously doesn't use Trojans.

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