-insert higher power figure here - Bless You!!

I have decided that I want to volunteer at a children's home 2 days a week after work. I want to give something back to the world that has given a small amount. I think I can really make a difference to a child, maybe be a mentor or something like that.

I have been sick for 6 days now. I feel like ass and cannot seem to stop coughing and hacking and sneezing and sniffling and complaining. It seems that I have some odd American strain of the Hunta virus or something. Please send four guys in biohazard suits over to my apartment and scrape me into some sort of place where Hugh Laurie and take biopsies and such to figure out that I have some unknown disease that I will call the "longest run-on sentence in the history of this blog." Basically, though, all melodrama aside, I have a summer cold and they suck. It is such a weird feeling to walk outside feeling like this and have it be 85-90 degrees and sunny. It makes me feel almost like I am faking it or something.

Which leads me to another pointless conversation I recently had with a friend about faking the male orgasm. Now, I know that it is possible because I actually have faked it once, but that happened a long time ago. And I will apologize to that girl the next time I see her. I am sure she had no idea at the time, but would be devastated to find out now that I just did not enjoy myself enough to finish. (You can believe that if you want, but the truth is that I was too lazy to be on top and she would not switch with me and let me be on bottom. Believe me, she probably noticed.) Back to the conversation before you get a visual. My buddy says that he fakes it all the time because he wants his girlfriend to think that he can do that whole Tantric "orgasm without cumming" thing. He think that she thinks it cool that he can do that. I told him that he is an idiot and that most women are not that stupid. Most of the girls can tell when you...Um...leave your mark. After all, we can tell the difference between when they are faking and when they aren't, we just don't mind being lied to. Women have been known to be against the whole lying thing; especially when it concerns something like this. I explained to him that he was a male, meaning he shouldn't be trying to fake it. He should instead being more focused on getting things done correctly. She does not necessarily want tantra, but she probably does want to enjoy herself. Letting her think that you have some weird supernatural power to not produce fluids probably mean less to her than the fact that you and her are done having sex in about 4 minutes. That's just weak, bro.

You know, I don't think I should be helping out children with anything except for underage drinking. I am not sure that philanthropy and charity are my strong suits. Maybe I should just sell booze out of my trunk at local middle schools. Support your future strippers!!