Friday, July 28, 2006

I am moving to Bangladesh, where its safe!!

Now, normally, I do not get too political about shit, unless its really funny. I usually just say that "Dubya" is a total doorknob and let it go at that. I have actually decided to promote him up a level in my lexicon to Nimrod. According to a British poll by (which is either a newspaper or a funny drunk guy, by the writing it is kind of hard to tell) "some 63 percent of Britons think Tony Blair is George Bush's poodle...". That is completely awesome. I think both of these idiots could fuck up a cup of coffee, but at least our press isn't comparing our leader to a faggy housepet. I have officially promoted George Bush back to the level of The French, the Mozambique national anthem, and corn chowder, as far as things that I respect go.

Its amazing what you find when you look for animal porn on the internet.

At any rate, I have more going on. The all popular job that I moved to Boston for, the one that was supposed to give me a shit-ton of money, the one that was supposed to be this huge jump in my career....Will be no more shortly. I have not officially turned in my notice about quitting, but I will be as soon as I land my new gig, which I should know either today or Monday. Some people are like, "...You really think you should be putting this in a blog that the public can see. What if someone you work with reads it and tells your boss?" If you decide to call my boss and let him know that I am incredibly unhappy working for a company that has zero integrity, Touche', I say. Plus, if you (meaning anyone who is currently, at this minute, working for my company) are as bored as I am at your job within our company, perhaps you should be doing more than reading this blog while on company time. Dude, don't be a sycophant, at least I am writing this on company time. Grow a pair, junior.

Now here is some interesting things I recently found using math, NGBTLF (figure out that acronym before reading further), and the United States Government Factbook.

There are exactly 17,423,581 bisexual women in this country. That statistic transverses all three definitions of the term: bisexual, bicurious and bipermissive.

Now according to that number: 15,158,515 of these women are at least 50 percent of Caucasian descent.

Now, according to that number: 3,638,044 of those women are Catholic.

Moving down the chain: 727,609 are between the ages of 24-34.

More down the chain: 436,565 of these women have a median income of at least $45,000US.

Figuring that figure into the math: 144,066 who have actually taken part in either a been the centerpiece in a muff sandwich or been in a completely lesbian threesome.

Going deeper into this than that: 945 have a rodent larger than a gerbil as a house pet or companion.

The most startling statistic out of all of this is that, according to the numbers, 68 of them have had major accidents involving the rodent upon their guest in the last year.

Even more startling than that, according to demographic charts provided by the NGBLTF (did you get it yet) 14 of them happened in the Boston Metropolitan area.

Based on the above "facts", I can assume two things:

1) There is a chance, albeit very slim, that I could get, drunk, take home some crazy rodent owning twenty-something white chick, who both makes decent money and will let me have lots of sex with her and her 4 friends over a three day period to be concluded by a ball nipping from said women's ferret....


2) I am not making this shit up when I say that it is now a genuine concern and should be for all males in the Boston Metropolitan who go to strip clubs to try to meet up with women for a threesome. CLICK HERE

Now, sorry, that was mean. Unfortunately, the story does exist but I cannot get the website to compy into my code. I had thought about posting the whole article, but that's enough. Let's just say that it was one of the funniest things I have ever heard of. It would not surprise if this makes national news, or at least "News of the Weird" in every Orlando Weekly-esque shit-mag in the country. Again sorry for the horrible trick. But, as soon as I can get link to work, I will put it up.

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