Monday, July 17, 2006

Winner of the Lottery: The Big Tony B!!!!



I feel better about the world today. I found out that UN Secretary General Kofi Annan did not play the role of Geoffrey the butler on Televions The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. For a long time now, about 5 years or so, as I started reading and learning more about politics, I was always deeply disturbed by my belief that the man in charge of the United Nations was the butler on a really bad nineties sitcom.

Many times I would openly and publicly protest such an arrangement. It is a mismatch, a conflict of interest and many people did not disagree. Mostly they did not know who Kofi Annan was. Or they would say that they did not follow Canadian politics enough to know. Whatever. I will sleep better now that I know that.

But seriously, when you look at the number of possible misunderstandings that could happen between Tony Blair and....other things...like fictional murders and such, it is staggering. Here are a few examples:

1) Tony Blair and Jack Nicholson (especially during The Shining) This one is freaky because Jack Nicholson was one freaky Mo-Fo in that movie. The idea that this idiot [Tony Blair] would actually be leading a country to war at the same time as having a fully-devoted man-crush on our president is extremely alarming. Where is your British humor now, pussies. Hell, even the French are laughing at this point. And they surrender to the friggin Geico Lizard. Ahhhh, the French, I love you because you always, and predictably, buckle like a beslighteste slightes provocation. How proud the Jean-Paul's and Marie's of this world must be.

2) Tony Blair and Charlize Theron (Eileen Wuernos from Monster) I am noticing a theme here. Not that I have anything at all against that spineless retard, Tony Blair, but he is kind of an idiot. As Obi One Kinobi once said, who is the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows or something like that. It applies here. I just cannot get over the similarities between Tony Blair and fictional murderers, or real ones in this case. But, more of a good makeup job on an actress I wanna jam my MP into her GD, if you know what I mean.

3) Tony Blair and Kevin Costner (no movie, at least not worth mentioning) Heeeey, guess what no talent ass-bag we can get to play the 23 minute film about all the positive things Tony Blair has done in his reign as leader of the home of the Chunnel and Pale Ale. I betcha Tony Blair wishes Dennis Quaid would provide him some help right now, anything has to be better than getting help with your image by playing second fiddle to "Dubya" all the time with foreign policies, United Nations matters, and whatever else those borderline-hominids call foreign affairs. The Axis of evil is shaking in there boots, whichever ones were left, I say attack Bahrain next. They might have illegally made Kool-Aid there. Besides, this whole alliance is doomed to backfire eventually, look at Tombstone as opposed to Wyatt Earp.

Originally when I started this post, I was not going to make this all about Tony Blair, but then I read the article about Dubya using the word shit to TB to describe the situation in the Middle East. I betcha that was an oops moment, huh. And in all honesty, I respect Tony Blair a great deal as a politician, world leader and poodle, so I can forgjudgment lapses of judgement, such as laughing at an off-color remark made by the world's most feared human dungheap. But, Tony, remember, my friend, Moe and Larry were the only Stooge's who stuck around to make that job into a career.

3 comments:

Steve-O said...

I had just about given up on ever seeing a new post from you. I got up a bit early this morning and realized I ran out of other shit to look at on the computer, so I decided to see if you had gotten back to blogging. I was happy to see you had met a subway slut (not the hoagie type) that meets with your highest of (she'll do) standards. I'm sure, in time, you'll have turned your morning commute into some sort of "Who wants to fuck" game show. Let me know if you need a co-host.

Steve-O said...

I thought Kofi Annan played Red in The Shawshank Redemption. He was the guy that could get things. I was suprised to learn that it was actually Morgan Freeman who was in Robin Hood with Kevin Costner who was in Field of Dreams with Ray Liotta who was in Goodfellas with Robert DeNiro who was in Sleepers with KEVIN BACON. Oh Hell Yeah, how was that? I know how much you must miss the 6 degrees of seperation game.

Samm Chazz said...

She wasn't a subway-slut per se. She was more like the spokesman for a group of yuppies that have no manners and talk a great deal about shit that no one else wants to hear about in public, loudly. I did not end up going out for drinks with them. Maybe some other time. I am too busy dealing with crazy Massachusetts laws to go out and have too much fun. But I did get to play golf last week.