Wednesday, January 07, 2009


I hate our bills. It would make me much happier if they did not exist at all. But unfortunately they do. Cannot be without them apparently. But it's alright. Because after all, it's all about the stuff.

But, now with a new baby, there are bills that I did not know were going to exist that are now in the picture. For instance, we now seem to have a "cute outfit" bill that comes fairly often. You see, a new baby must be continually cute looking in order to maintain the proper level of control over the Grandparents and friends. If his overall cuteness drops, then his effectiveness as a manipulation tool to receive goodies is lessened. This is supply side economics at its best. I kind of have a better idea of what it must be like to be in charge of OPEC.

On top of that, there is the "insert drippy fluids and medicines" bill that definitely caught me off guard. Yesterday we had to get some fruity flavored drippy stuff to insert unceremoniously into our child's mouth. This of course is because he has something wrong with him. This is through no fault of our own. He just has something and this drippy fruity stuff is supposed to fix it. I equate this with sort of like car maintenance. Only this fuel additive does not increase mileage or decrease engine wear, it simply makes the motor less noisy and less prone to sputter and hiccup.

I have also noticed that some of our bill has gone down. These include the "homemade gravy" tax and the "honeydew/cantaloupe/watermelon" tariff. So these things are positive in our favor. They however do not even balance out, yet, with the "cute covers & more absorbent cloth diapers" payment that varies anywhere from weekly to monthly so far. But, this can actually be bundled together with the "cute outfit" bill that helps with aforementioned relative manipulation.

All in all, it seems thus far we are breaking even. But, things will get much worse before they get better. I am quite positive that he will soon begin to resemble an old style British Colony. All cost and no benefit until you see some returns for a few years before open revolt and eventual revolution, putting you back into the position you were in before the colony was ever started. The primary benefits will be a future ally and higher inflation mixed with a primary exporter and common language. Hopefully my son and I will not be common people separated by a large body of water. Maybe a small body of water, but not a large one.


No comments: