Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Assume the Position

As things spin delightfully out of the control of the average person the delicate question arises, do we have hemorrhoids (metaphorically speaking) in this country. And by hemorrhoids, I mean a condition in an uncomfortable place that leads us to be a little more embarrassed and a little crabbier than we might otherwise be. Do we have a personal problem that we don't want to share but instead do our best to displace all of the discomfort we feel to those around us?

I find that I like the above analogy to link many of the issues facing the US today. Global Warming/Climate Change: Oh man, does this analogy work. Take aside the "facts" that people do not want to pay attention to and focus on the minutiae of the dilemma itself. See, when you have a hemorrhoid, you do not care how it happened or when it happened or what you did to cause it, you just want the soothing crème to make it all better. From a GWCC standpoint, people are given facts about it, told how it happened, told what we are doing to make it worse; but we do not care about any of that, they just want it fixed. Now, if I told you that the only way to get rid of your hemorrhoid was to stop drinking everything but water, stop eating all fast food, and drive twice a month, people would say "I will just slather a little cream on it". This is what we do, we slather a little cream on it. Not enough, mind you, to actually help it heal or to even stop it from getting worse, but the cream soothes a little bit and makes us feel like we are actually doing something to make the hemorrhoid better.

It is not just GWCC that this applies to; I can write pages within this analogy to cover the entire economic crisis. Appropriately, that would be about 19 pages long, or about 2 pages shorter than the average department store credit card terms agreement. In this basic situation, you are the cause of the hemorrhoid and you are mad that the only people who have the cream to soothe it think that it is funny to keep slipping you drywall spackle in the Preparation H package instead. But, the problem is that if you slightly change your diet and drink more water than soda, the hemorrhoid will eventually go away, as long as you stop contributing to the causes.

Stretch it baby, stretch it.

But it really gets interesting and fun when you think about what we actually eat and drink as an issue. I have become a Pollanist, which must really feed his ego to have a movement named after him, but he is correct on many things. In this situation, the hemorrhoid is easy to understand and easy to see. It is dastardly hard to cure, but the soothers lead to a solution that leads to the cure and in the end, a stronger, ahem, system. The problem with this hemorrhoid is that not everyone's personal hemorrhoid hurts enough to actually cause action. In this situation, the right people are not in pain and the wrong people do not recognize the pain even if they feel it. The people with the worst hemorrhoids seem to be immune to pain or uncaring of the pain process. These people are the extreme lower class and poverty stricken. Others have the hemorrhoid and feel the pain of it, but would rather buy a softer chair than fix the hemorrhoid. The worst people in this analogy are causing the hemorrhoid but they charge so much for it that they can afford the really nice chair to sit on.

I am taking this analogy too far I think.

The point is this: Preparation H is a good medicine to treat hemorrhoids. But keep in mind that hemorrhoid is always linked to something else. If we treat the something else, we avoid the hemorrhoid altogether. Also, I just spellchecked this document, and I did not spell hemorrhoid correctly once in the entire thing.

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